The Game: An Essay About Life

After spending the past few months trying to formulate a website that I love and am proud of, I realized that a big part of why I wasn’t able to, was because I never felt like it was an accurate depiction of who I am as a human-being. To showcase what I've done and created over the years can be explained in my extremely outdated Linkedin. I am writing this to be real with you and be real with myself: As the world grows larger, and I become increasingly aware of my limited understanding of it, I've come to believe that if I should know the most about anything, it should be myself.

Of course there are gaps in the meaning of that sentence. There are things about myself that I still struggle to understand such as, why I never pull in to park, or why I have a harder time opening up. However, I know that with every single decision that I have had to make in my life, I am able to articulate my reason behind that particular choice.

And that leads me here: I write this to explain to you the reason why I am here today. Why I say what I say and why I do what I do. This will not be a properly written essay, in which I tell you about my biggest downfalls in life, how I was able to overcome them, and how it has shaped me as a person. But more so, the little things in life that contribute to my very being. The people, the things, the places.

There is a game that I have been playing since I was 17. The game is called 'We’re Not Really Strangers'. It is a game designed to deepen connections and empathy between players. The game consists of three levels of questions that encourage vulnerability, self-reflection, and a deeper understanding of others. I figured that it only made sense for me to play this game here. While I write the answers to the questions about myself, I hope you can find the time to reflect on your own responses :)

In my younger days, I wanted to be a teacher. I could talk for hours on end to my stuffed animals, teaching them which colors go with which colors, and how to write the alphabet. Part of me still yearns to be a Kindergarten teacher. I think that much of that desire falls into the science of childhood experiences and childhood education.

Through various research that you can find online, there is numerous research on the value and importance of childhood education that should not be taken lightly. Kindergarten teachers guide children through the fundamentals of life. It is not about the material that is taught, but the idea that it translates to in the future.

Learning how to share in a game of house corresponds to how you can work with others in University classes. Being taught to tie your shoelaces when they become undone translates to taking care of yourself in the future. Well, not directly translated, but you get the point.

There are two particular shows that came to mind when I read this question. Bojack Horseman and Black Mirror.

Bojack Horseman: My friend Noah had recommended this show to me but I had turned down watching it due to a plethora of reasons, one being that I wasn’t into cartoons. One day, I decided to ignore all previous thoughts, and watch an episode. I haven’t stopped watching since. However, the show always seemed a bit off to me. It is a lighthearted cartoon with animals and humans that coincide in society. But I guess I was supposed to feel uncomfortable. It offers a compelling and nuanced exploration of the human experience, while using humor and satire to make important social commentary. While watching the show, I found myself laughing. Afterwards, I found myself thinking deeper “but is this really how the world is like?”

Black Mirror: Watching every single episode, there have been times where I had been certain I was going to throw out my phone and disable every piece of tech in my house. Black Mirror presents societal issues in a thought-provoking and often unsettling way, the show encourages viewers to reflect on their own values and the role they play in shaping the world around them. It is a great show to reflect on real-life problems in the world as it forces us to confront the potential consequences of our actions and the impact they can have on society as a whole.

This type of media is a great way to reflect on the choices we make and the impact they have on our lives and the lives of others.

Yes.

In my first year of University, I took WRDS 150, a writing and research class to fulfill a requirement. Each semester, there is a new topic that is given. My topic was competition. The opening prompt was simple: write about how you view competition and how competition plays a role in your life.

I wrote this:

Competition wired my brain to live a life that was dependent on everyone else. This pressure, to constantly better myself to surpass others, managed to appear in every aspect of my life. From sports, to school, to work, competition affected the way I viewed myself and the way I viewed others. There is often great emphasis placed on what it means to win, but in reality, it is what it costs to lose that makes competition valuable. ….. However, regardless of how it has negatively tinted my view of the world, it is truly unavoidable—nothing will ever impede my desire to win.”

It is quite daunting to read now especially since that is quite literally the opposite of what I believe now.

In all aspects of our life, we are programmed to be competitors. But I am here to tell you, it does not have to be this way. And while I can explain that even something like the economy doesn’t necessarily need competition (I am not just blatantly saying this to prove a point), if a company or institution can benefit from your ability to be competitive, you are sacrificing parts of your livelihood. And while this might not apply to you, I want you to think about how your relationship with others, your mental and physical health, and if they have been affected by your extrinsic desire to compete.

If you are able to look past the point of competing with others, you are able to look into understanding yourself and what it really means for you to be alive. Which segways into the next question…

Over the past 3 years, I have taken an interest in film photography and travel. And while I can probably write a 5000 word essay on how both have shaped the way I am today, I will give some key points & tips.

Film:

1. If you are getting into film, don’t use a disposable film camera. It is bad for the environment as it takes up a lot of resources and energy to distribute.
2. If you are taking photos of people, tell them about the flash that is about to occur.

Travel:

1. Travel with a budget in mind.
2. Take a road trip if you have the means to. There is something about being in a car full of friends that screams nostalgia.
3. Always keep in mind that you are a visitor. Do not be disrespectful to the people or the land of the place you are visiting.

It is truly a privilege of mine to be able to take film photos and travel and I am grateful each and every day.

Back in first year, I almost rethought the idea of venturing into tech. I thought about how difficult it was and how if it was even what I truly wanted to do. Upon further research and conversations, I feel that most of the uncertainty was due to the transition from High School to University and the lack of support and connection in First Year. And before I fall more deep into the problems that everyone makes in first year, let me talk about my passion for technology.

I have always been fascinated to learn stuff I know nothing about. When I started learning about software, I realized that there really is no end to how much knowledge you can gain. And with that knowledge, what you can create. I have attended a handful of hackathons and have read NUMEROUS books about innovative design, and nothing is more interesting to me, than creating something with the knowledge that has been acquired. A seemingly perfect example is the UBC Formula Electric team building a sustainable electric race car. I have documented the team through photos and it is the most amazing thing to see engineers use what they have learned in school into real-life applications. And while I am a new team member, I hope to learn more about firmware and hopefully write a few lines of code for them soon.

On a wider scale, sometimes I believe that the tech industry has become too fixated on rapidly producing new technologies and labeling them as 'innovative'. Rather than solely focusing on speed, there needs to be a greater emphasis on comprehending how technology can solve real-world problems and implementing it on a systemic level . This is precisely why I have developed an interest in research and development (R&D).

I try to learn everyday. The most I have learned has to be in books I have read. Here are some notable quotes from some pretty awesome books in which I have thought about for days:

A Little Life by Hanya Yangihara:

“Laws are meant to be pressed against, and stretched, and if they can’t provide the solutions to every matter they claim to cover, then they aren't really laws at all, are they?”

To which a few pager later:

“It is morals that help us make the laws, but morals do not help us apply them.”

How to Avoid a Climate Disaster by Bill Gates:

“But I hope you’ll spend more time and energy supporting whatever you’re in favor of than opposing whatever you’re against.”

“Whatever other resources you may have, you can always use your voice and your vote to effect change.”

Someone Who Will Love You In All Your Damaged Glory by ​​Raphael Bob-Waksberg:

“You can write it all down, you can put it in your books of facts, but the truth is no one can ever really understand the tangle of experiences and passions that make you who you are.”

Know My Name by Chanel Miller:

“But living is an incredible thing, just to have been here, to have felt, if only briefly, the volume and depth of others' empathy. I wrote, most of all, to tell you I have seen how good the world can be.”

“You are allowed to be cautious but you don’t always have to be afraid.”

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho:

“When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.”

“People are capable, at any time in their lives, of doing what they dream of.”

I have met many people over the years. To which, everything I am right now, is a little bit of everyone who I love . Here are the names of some, and what I have learned:

My parents: Who have loved me since I could remember and have supported me in ways that are unexplainable.

Jason: My smart, older cousin who I used to argue with at the dinner table every single day during the pandemic on things that didn’t really matter. It was in preparation of how I can speak my mind in an understanding, and respectful manner. (He is the person that got me interested in tech!)

Aileen & Jared: Who will always give me the advice I need to hear.

Childhood friends: Who taught me the meaning of loyalty.

Emma & Jared Hall: My twin flames that teach me everything I know about art, music, the stars, and the earth.

Emily & Denise: The people who keep me grounded day to day. Most of our moments nowadays are spent in Emily’s kitchen, in the same spot we always sit in, laughing about nothing in particular.

Sahib: My voice of reasoning. I wouldn’t know how to process any idea that comes to mind. Without him, this essay would be intangible.

Ram: I send him books to read. He sends me music to listen to. And while we might never find the time to hear the notes, or read the words, it is the “this reminded me of you, thought you might like it” that counts.

Vincent & Noah: The people who keep me moving in life. There is not a time where I am with them and don’t appreciate the life that I am living.

My BUCS friends: I took a Seattle trip with them and talked about the future. And although it can be an uncertain thing, there are things you can do to make it a little less uncertain. And that includes thinking what it means to live a fulfilling life, one that you are proud of.

UBC FE: I was welcomed with open arms. The team gave me an opportunity to be part of a community.

Anna: My best friend who challenges me every single day. Everytime we talk I am reminded why I continue to live the way I do. This entire essay can be found in little bits and pieces of our text messages.

Melanie: My younger sister whom I have had the opportunity to grow up with. If there is one thing in life that I am proud of, it is her.

Well, I am very shocked that I didn't burst into tears writing this. But we shall continue nonetheless.

My most defining characteristic is that I care.

Let me paint you a picture:I can recall a time studying CPSC 213 with my friend. Before we got any studying done, we talked about class. And that in turn, got us talking about our majors which in turn, got us talking about what we wanted to do in the future. And while there is a very real answer to this-the most common one is a job, or a company you want to work for. My answer will always be this: to do something I actually care about. While this is a seemingly pretty obvious insinuation that can be summarized in a job description, I always find it an important point for me to emphasize.

While there is importance in striving to achieve the ladder to success, I truly believe that the end goal (job, or whatever that may be) should accurately reflect on what you truly love to do. It is easy to get caught up in the idea of climbing the corporate ladder or reaching for a high paycheck, but remember that although your job is “just a job”, it takes up time. And time is a precious commodity that we cannot retrieve once it has passed.

Not only do I care about the things I do in life, it is important for me to connect with others. And not in the Linkedin networking way, but the “I want to understand you” way.

I am someone who strives to feel connected to people. It is important to care about people, even when it doesn’t count! (day-to-day life, not just birthdays). When I went to Seattle with my BUCS friends, I had the privilege of staying up until 4AM engaging in thought-provoking conversations with my now friends, Fahim and Bel. We talked about life, love, and everything in between. To this day, they remain some of the wisest people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.

Finally, I care about events. Now, this may be a weird one, but I plan a lot of events. A lot of my thoughts are just thinking about different events I can hold. In the summer of last year, I co-hosted different themed dinner parties, a sports day with everything you did back in Elementary school, and a road trip down to California. I recently hosted a games night filled with kahoot and 3 hours of mafia. I am in the process of planning a prom for those who didn’t have one due to COVID, so we’ll see how that pans out.

I don’t know why I plan so much. Sometimes I feel like it is a whole other class I am taking. Although it can be stressful to plan, I think that a big factor as to why I do it is because I feel like everyone needs a break and the best breaks are the ones spent together.

Keep putting yourself out there and keep learning. There have been many times where I have been discouraged in classes, or have been turned away by people, but just remember that it is part of life. Find healthy ways to deal with the rejection and keep moving forward.

Life changing things shouldn't be all that life changing. Many choices can change the directory of your life, but never let it deter you from your values or what you believe in (entirely context based and goes hand in hand with the last point).

Do what you love. Of course it is wise to choose a career that fits the wants and needs in your life, but think about if it is something you will love to do.

Appreciate life. There are times to do your math webwork, and there are times when you don’t do your math webwork. Go outside. Talk to your friends. Don’t miss out on life.

Be patient. Good things take time. Be patient with it. Be patient with yourself.

Take care of yourself.

Now that we are done level 3, we have reached the end of the game. The true way to end the game is to write a note to the other player(s) and only open the note(s) once you all have parted ways. Personally, I have never played with this ending and I don’t think I ever will (most games I have played have ended in tears so it usually ends with tissues).

I have written this all in one go (roughly 5 hours) so it may need some editing. Maybe one day I'll think about splitting up the levels in different pages so it feels like you’re reading less. Maybe one day I'll think differently about something and end up changing it. But in the meantime, I hope you can take the time to reflect on your answers and learn something about yourself you didn’t know before.

I hope we can talk again soon!

With love,
Leah